Recognizing Assertiveness
When You See It
Quiz

Recognizing Assertiveness when you see it! It can be difficult to determine which it is in someone else, and almost impossible to identify which it is in yourself. Here is a quiz to help you.

It’s all very well saying “be assertive”, “don’t be aggressive”, “don’t be passive” – but if you don't recognize, in real life, which behavior is which it’s going to be hard if not impossible for you to do.

First you may want to check out how assertive you are. (opens into new window)

The Recognizing Assertiveness Quiz below is not to determine how assertive you are.

It is to help you become better at identifying each behavior as it happens.

Each statement has 3 responses.

Your job is to write “passive”, “aggressive” or “assertive” beside each one.

First, recap on what you are looking for in each of assertive, passive and aggressive.

It is important in recognizing assertiveness, aggressiveness and passiveness to notice when they happen in your life, not only for you to learn to be assertive, but also so you can recognize which behavior others are engaging in.

If someone is being aggressive with you, you must expect that remaining assertive in that situation will be tougher – but you will also feel much better about yourself at having succeeded!

If someone is being passive, you might want to “gentle down” your assertive behavior so they don’t feel walked over, and perhaps to encourage them to be more assertive themselves.

So now on to seeing how good you are at recognizing assertiveness.

Start marking your answers to the quiz. In which response do you find yourself recognizing Assertiveness, Aggressiveness or Passivity?

You might find it helpful to print out the quiz and write your answers directly on the page. At the end of each response write whether is is assertive, aggressive or passive. Do the same for each response to all 6 statements.

Your brother and his wife are visiting. The guys are watching football on the TV, so you and your sister in law decide to go to the movies. Initially you have agreed on which movie to see, but she changes her mind and wants to go to one you do not like the sound of.

You say:

1. I don’t like the sound of that one. If you don’t want to see (the originally planned movie), how about ….?

2. I don’t see why we always have to do what YOU want. I have rights too.

3. Well, I don’t really like the sound of that one, but maybe it’ll be better than I expect.

You have a new boyfriend you met online and have just met in person for the first time. You are telling your friend about him. She tells you that you should not be going out with people you meet on the Internet and know nothing about.

Your answer is:

1. Get lost! I’ll see who I want to see. What’s it got to do with you?

2. Hmmm, ok, you’re probably right.

3. I understand your concern, but I take all the necessary precautions for my safety, and I enjoy Internet dating and meeting new people.

You are going to an important meeting later today, so you arrive at work more dressed up than usual – and feeling a bit conspicuous. As you walk in to the office, there are a few of your colleagues congregated around the front desk, who all “ooh and aah” and compliment you on your outfit. You are embarrassed.

You say:

1. Do you really like it? I got it half price at that consignment store round the corner. It doesn’t really fit that well, and it’s a bit out of date…..

2. Just because I can’t afford expensive new things like you all, I don’t see why you have to embarrass me like this!

4. Thank you.

You recently purchased a new computer desk. When you got it home and started to assemble it, you noticed a very obvious scratch right on the middle of the desktop. You go back to the shop to return it. The store clerk points out that since you computer monitor will sit right over the scratch, no-one will ever notice it.

You answer:

1. Get lost! I paid a lot of money for the stupid desk. It’s just a piece of junk and now you expect me to KEEP it? Talk about a rip off!

2. I know, but I would like to exchange it anyway, thank you.

3. Yeah… I guess you’re right.

Your daughter has just left home and moved to another city for her new job. She is lonely and bit unsure about living on her own. She calls you every evening just as you are about to eat dinner.

You say:

1. How are you doing to day, dear? …(and listen for as long as she wants to talk)

2. Be a bit more considerate, Jane – you KNOW we eat dinner at this time. Call later if you must talk.

3. Hi, love. It’s lovely to hear your voice, but would you mind if I call you back in half an hour – I’ve just put dinner on the table.

Your guests were expected at 5pm for supper. It is now 6:45 and their car is just driving up. You have small children and it has been extremely difficult to keep them waiting patiently past their eating time, and at the same time trying to keep the meal fresh and hot.

You say to your guests:

1. Welcome, I’m so glad you could come. Dinner is ready … I just turned the oven down lower. Come on in – it’s so great to see you.

2. Welcome! I guess you had some trouble finding our place. It would have been great if you could just have given us a call to let us know you’d be late.

3. You could have let me know you’d be late! It’s just been impossible, what with the kids being starving and the meal getting overcooked. This is the last time I’ll be inviting you to dinner!

Statement 1:

-- Answer 1: Assertive

-- Answer 2: Aggressive

-- Answer 3: Passive

Statement 2:

-- Answer 1: Aggressive

-- Answer 2: Passive

-- Answer 3: Assertive

Statement 3:

-- Answer 1: Passive

-- Answer 2: Aggressive

-- Answer 3: Assertive

Statement 4:

-- Answer 1: Aggressive

-- Answer 2: Assertive

-- Answer 3: Passive

Statement 5:

-- Answer 1: Passive

-- Answer 2: Aggressive

-- Answer 3: Assertive

Statement 6:

-- Answer 1: Passive

-- Answer 2: Assertive

-- Answer 3: Aggressive

It can also help your friends realize which they are, and if necessary, help them in recognizing assertiveness also.

Here's how...

Just tell them about this exercise, and read out a statement to them.

Ask one person to be passive, one to be assertive and one to be aggressive.

It can be very funny, especially if you get a very passive person trying to be aggressive.

And sometimes a really aggressive person will not be able to wrap their mind around being passive!

Sometimes people who are not good at recognizing assertiveness in themselves, will be quick to identify it in the behavior of others.

It is also very helpful to practice being assertive in this totally non-threatening situation.

If this worked for you, whether alone or in a group, try this “make up your own response” Assertiveness Exercise.