Improve Self Esteem
Become who you want to be

You can improve self esteem!

Low self esteem can hold you back from being who you want to be, and doing what you want to do.

But it is a changeable condition.

According to Wikipedia, self esteem is a reflection of a person’s own opinion of their worth. So improving self esteem is improving your own opinion of yourself.

For example, do you consider yourself to be smart or dumb – this is a belief you have about yourself.

Are you proud, or ashamed – this is your emotional response to who you see yourself as.

And are you shy and retiring or assertive and confident – this is behavior which reflects your self esteem.

You may want to improve self esteem when you find you have no consistent confidence in yourself: when you need constant bolstering and praise to keep yourself buoyant, and even then not necessarily believing the good things others say to you.

If you need to improve self esteem, and do not receive praise and feel valued others, you may constantly feel you are no good, unworthy or useless.

On the other hand, healthy self esteem involves knowing you are a good and worthwhile person even when things go wrong, even when you are criticized. You know your strengths, and you know your weaknesses.

You understand that no-one is perfect, and can accept your failings and celebrate your gifts.

Self esteem develops initially during childhood.

How were you treated by those around you, parents, other family members, teachers etc.?

If you were put down, your self confidence never had a chance to develop. But even in later life, a supportive environment can improve your self esteem.

If you were nurtured and praised, you probably feel good about yourself and your abilities.

A person who lacks self confidence and could benefit from improving self esteem probably was:

• Frequently criticized

• Abused verbally or physically

• Made fun of

• Made to feel they were never good enough

• Did not do well at school or other activities

People who developed low self-esteem were often given messages that they failed (losing a game, getting a poor grade, etc.) and that these were failures of their whole self.

These people need to improve self esteem if they are ever going to have the confidence to move ahead to the extent of their abilities.

A person with good self-esteem probably was:

• Praised and encouraged

• Listened to and treated with respect

• Physically loved, being hugged and held

• Had confidence to try their best in school or athletics and was successful in something

• Learned to trust in friendships and relationships

Self Talk:

Healthy self confidence results in positive self talk, and this will happen once you improve self esteem.

Low self esteem results in a critical, unsupportive stream of self talk which robs the individual of any confidence to move ahead.

Some people who could really benefit from improving self esteem pretend they are confident and happy, but inside they don’t feel that way. Slight criticism hurts them deeply as they don’t have the cushion of knowing that they are really just fine regardless of what this other person might say.

Rebellious individuals usually have low self esteem also, and their behaviour is their attempt to prove they don’t need the approval of others. Improving self esteem can remove the rebelliousness.

And some people just can’t cope with the feelings of worthlessness and expect others to help them at every step of the way. Improving self esteem will help them be more independent. How can you improve self esteem?

The first step is the same as for any major change or achievement. You must believe you can do it. Walt Disney said “If you can believe it you can achieve it.” But you must believe it.

You must believe that you can improve self esteem.

Next you must be aware of your inner voice. Listen to it and whenever it gives you negative feedback, consciously contradict it, and give yourself positive reinforcement.

Improve self esteem by telling that inner critic that you are a good, worthwhile, talented person.

If you do something wrong, admit it to yourself, but don’t let that inner voice convince you that that either means you are no good, or that this means you always do things wrong. Instead tell yourself that everyone makes mistakes and you are no exception.

To improve self esteem, you need to love yourself, to encourage and support yourself in who you are and what you do.

Take care of yourself. Treat yourself with respect and look after all aspects of your person and your life as you would of the person you loved most dearly in your life. Think of your inner child. That little girl or boy who still lives inside you. Nurture, take care of and love that child.

When you do something right, or good, or succeed at something – celebrate!

Knowing you’ve succeeded at something, no matter how small, improves self esteem.

Write down every time you do something well, and when you are down, take a look at your list. As you see it grow you will feel better and better.

Forgive yourself for what you do wrong or don’t succeed at.

No-one succeeds every time. You don’t fail when you fall down. You only fail when you fall down and don’t get up again. So brush off the dust, stand up straight, and launch right back into life.

Here are some ideas to help you raise your self esteem:

• Give praise where praise is due. It does not make you smaller to lift others up. In fact, it makes you a bigger person when you praise someone else.

• Mistakes are tools of learning. Learn to use them as such. Learn the lessons and move one.

• Learn how to accept a compliment (just say “thank you” – nothing else. Make no excuses, just smile and say “thanks.”)

• Realize that everyone has different gifts. You may not be as gifted as others in some areas, but you can do many things that these people cannot. No-one can do everything and we need all these different gifts and skills to “make the world go round.”

• Know what you can reasonably expect yourself to do. You are not superman/woman – don’t beat yourself up if you can’t leap tall buildings at a single bound!

• Realize there is a difference between the person and their behaviour. You can respect the person, but not like a particular behavior.

• Notice when you make judgments on others. We all do it. We do it by how others look, speak, where they live, by their occupation. Be aware and curb that inclination when you notice it.

• Stay away from “energy drainers” and spend time with those who boost you up and make you feel good.

Know and accept that to fail, or fall down at times is human.

Everyone does it, even the most successful people miss the mark at some time or another.

Tell yourself you are a worthwhile person, who, perhaps, life has just hit in the face right now. You will get over it. You will get “back on the horse.”

Let yourself know and believe that you can do whatever it is that you are trying to achieve and you’ll find your self esteem improving right along with that belief.

Self Esteem and Self Confidence are intertwined. When you improve one you improve the other.