Assertiveness Exercise
- What would your Responses be?

Assertiveness: a desirable quality but one that is sometimes difficult to assess for yourself. Here is an Assertiveness Exercise to see what your response is when asked to be each of Assertive, Aggressive and Passive.

If you have already done the “Assertiveness - Recognizing it when you see it Quiz” (opens into a new window) you will have had some practice recognizing which response is which.

The Assertiveness Exercise here has you making up your own responses. Like “Assertiveness - Recognizing it when you see it Quiz” it is great to do on your own, but can also be fun to do with a group of friends.

How this works is this:

-- you read the statement

-- then make up three responses -- one that is passive

-- one that is aggressive

-- one that is assertive

In a group the passive and aggressive tend to become exaggerated as people “go to town” with their responses. But if you are doing it on your own, I encourage you to be more realistic and give responses that you actually might give.

If you have a tendency to be passive, by writing what you would actually say, or feel like saying, rather than an exaggerated push-over passive response, this exercise can assist you in recognizing this tendency in yourself now, and later when it actually happens for real.

Likewise with aggressive.

Someone once commented to me, on the topic of workshops on Assertiveness Training...

“Have you noticed that most of the people who sign up for these are aggressive … but they don’t think they’re on top of things enough and think taking an Assertiveness Workshop will help them be even more so.”

Many, if not most, aggressive people do not realize they are being aggressive.

By giving honest answers to the statements below, then analyzing them these people may be surprised to learn just how aggressive they are.

So here is the Assertiveness Exercise with each of the situations explained, waiting for your responses.

You can print out this page and write your answers next to each statement, or you can just take a piece of paper and write your answers for Situation 1, 2 etc.

Once you have written down you answers read on for how to identify what is what in you answers.

Assertiveness Exercise Situation 1:

Someone has borrowed money from you. You need it back as it is the end of the month and you have bills to pay.

Write an Aggressive Response:

Write a Passive Response:

Write an Assertive Response:

Assertiveness Exercise Situation 2:

At work, a coworker with whom you have to discuss things with regularly as part of your job, constantly interrupts you.

Write an Aggressive Response:

Write a Passive Response:

Write an Assertive Response:

Assertiveness Exercise Situation 3:

Your best friend has just been out on a first date. She calls you and wants to tell you all about it, in glorious detail. You are in the middle of something and just can’t give her the time right now.

Write an Aggressive Response:

Write a Passive Response:

Write an Assertive Response:

Assertiveness Exercise Situation 4:

A business acquaintance has discovered that you know you to design business brochures, business cards etc, and wants to tap into your expertise for free. You don’t mind giving some advice, but you don’t feel like spending several hours teaching him.

Write an Aggressive Response:

Write a Passive Response:

Write an Assertive Response:

Assertiveness Exercise Situation 5:

You offer some advice to a customer. A Coworker, standing nearby, immediately contradicts you and tells the customer something different. You know you are right AND you are embarrassed at being criticized in front of customers.

Write an Aggressive Response:

Write a Passive Response:

Write an Assertive Response:

Assertiveness Exercise Situation 6:

You meet a new friend for coffee. You have a mutual friend who introduced you. Your new friend immediately starts saying negative things about your mutual friend.

Write an Aggressive Response:

Write a Passive Response:

Write an Assertive Response:

This Assertiveness Exercise cannot be scored as easily as the others, since obviously, everyone who does it gives different answers.

So to test your answers, do the following:

Ask yourself:

- Did I make my point in a positive, non-threatening way? (yes = assertive) This is really what the Assertiveness Exercise is all about.

- If someone had made that response to me, would I feel like they were coming down on me like a ton of bricks? (yes = aggressive)

- Did I waffle around and not really make my point at all (yes = passive)

If the situation is one you would have felt bad about yourself to be in – for example if you had been the one bad mouthing your mutual friend – still try to be objective.

The other person had the right to tell you they didn’t want to hear this. The question is how did they do it?

- Did they just tell you they didn’t want to talk about your mutual friend? (yes = assertive)

- Did they tell you that you were a jerk to talk that way (yes = aggressive)

- Did they not like it, but go along with you (yes = passive)

As you go through your day, listen to how people respond to each other and start working out if each response is passive, assertive or aggressive.

Once you automatically know which is which, your determination to be assertive with be much easier, as you will find it easier to format the appropriate response.