Assertive to do and what not to do when you first start

Assertive to Do and Not to Do

What to do and what not to do when becoming Assertive

For people who have not previously engaged in assertive behaviour, here are some Do’s and Don’ts to get started with.

DO:

• Start being assertive in “safe” low risk situations

• Accept that you will not feel up to being assertive all the time

• Accept that not being assertive when it doesn’t seem appropriate, or when you just don’t feel up to it is OK

• Congratulate yourself when you are successfully assertive

• Notice when others are successfully assertive and how they did it

• Notice when others are either passive or aggressive and what response they received

• Take time, whenever possible, to consider your assertive response before you make it

• Look back over your days assertive responses and feel good about yourself

• Look back over your days non-assertive responses – NOT to reprimand yourself, but to think out how you could have responded assertively as this will help you when a similar situation arises

• If you are feeling irritated and frustrated at a previous passive behavior, do not allow this to spill into your next attempt at assertiveness or it is likely to come across as aggressive.

-- Better be passive once more till you settle down.

• Think out ‘What do I want from this situation” and then “will this assertive answer get me that without putting anyone else down?”

• Be gracious and caring while asking for what you need

• Remember that it is not just WHAT you say, it’s also HOW you say it

• Accompany your requests with the appropriate body language

Assertive not to do:

DON’T:

• Don’t expect being assertive to be easy – especially in the beginning

• Don’t expect others to like your assertive behavior (especially if they have been used to your passive behavior).

-- They will however get used to it, and respect you for it

• Don’t expect that being assertive will always get you what you want. It won’t, but you will have expressed how your feel, and what you need

• Don’t allow your assertiveness to spill over into abusing the other person

• Don’t get down on yourself when you are passive. Realize you need time to adapt and get used to new behavior

• Don’t expect to be guilt free.

• If you feel shy don't beat yourself up. Just let it go for now and work on it for the next time

Sometimes telling it how it is can be tough.

Just practice being assertive with heart, go back and be friendly afterwards without backing down on your assertive statement

Remember: You are not the only person with the right to be assertive.

Others have equal rights to express their wants, needs, feelings and ideas.